No

This post makes reference to a few of articles that I had been reading before K came along. It is also one of the promises that I had made to myself about how I would be as a mother. This post is all about saying “no” to the child.

A UCLA survey from a few years ago reported that the average one year old child hears the word “No!” more than 400 times a day! I was sure this was an exaggeration until I counted it myself- rather counted the times I said it and the times I almost said it. And then I also counted the number of times my mother said it, and my husband, and the maid. Sometimes its just “no”. Other times, for instance, when she wants to put her face inside the commode, it’s “No, no, NO!”  Truth is, the child really does hear NO a lot many times than it needs to, in English, and the other languages that we speak at home.

One of the alarming theories I came across was that children who are told “no” continuously, begin to doubt their abilities and eventually may respond with defiance or act ignorant of authority. One of our goals is to raise an independent child, and the last thing I wanted was a child who needed to be reassured all the time. Having said that, it certainly is an arduous task to NOT say “no” to a toddler.

I’m just sharing a couple of scenarios for brevity’s sake:

K wakes up in the morning dreaming of my brother’s badminton racket. My brother has hidden this away from her sight because she has a habit of slamming this on the floor. K wakes up, and the first word she utters after she finds my brother is “bat”. And in my brother’s words, there was nothing she could be distracted with, nothing that would pacify her for the next two hours, other than having that racket handed over to her. I am pretty sure she was told “no” to, 400 times, in just those 2 hours.

K, her play school told us, enjoys painting. So every other day, we all have a 15- 20 minute respite once she is handed her painting kit. Recently, she has taken to smearing paint on herself (“No, no, no, baby- no painting on your clothes!”- 4 times already) And this one day, decided to paint her lips and toes as well.

Two years into the job, I think its a question of my sanity versus a supposedly independent child. I think the former needs more safeguarding, thank you.

Maternity Leave

I feel blessed that I had my baby in India because working mothers get six whole months of paid maternity leave!

I have known girl friends who had no choice but to leave 12- week old babies at day care to keep their careers, or who were so guilt-ridden they decided to forsake their careers for the sake of their babies.

I also feel blessed to have such an amazing support system at home, and to be able to afford a nanny, but more than all of that, I am particularly blessed to have had extremely understanding managers and colleagues through this journey,

Six months is an awfully long time to stay away from work, and by the end of month three, i was itching to get back. My business head and manager were okay for me to work a couple of hours every day (part time) for the remaining 3 months of my ML, and gradually increase the number of hours I worked for the next 3 months post my ML. Thus I was able to gradually and seamlessly start working full-time, instead of suddenly being away from the baby. I will always be indebted to this employer of mine for this reason.

ML was also a time for recouping and getting back in shape. Yesterday, while speaking to a friend, N mentioned that I “swam like a mad-woman, day after day”. I may not agree to the mad-woman part, but the hourly swimming routine really helped. I couldn’t keep it up after joining work full time, but I really hope to start again!

This was also when I tried to learn to crochet, but crocheting needs long, uninterrupted hours- and with a baby, something like that is elusive.

I do not recall doing anything other than these,  but the point I am trying to drive home here is that Maternity leaves are such a blessing, and I am so glad I had a good one.

 

 

Lullaby

Singing lullabies is an art that is passed down through the generations. It skipped my mum’s and as a result, I did not know any for my daughter. Briefly, my mum’s aunt stayed with us, and she would sing these songs in her quivering voice, and my 3 month old daughter would instantly fall asleep. I have recorded these, but have never been able to sing them myself.

But nothing stops us from coming up with our own sings, right?

So N came up with one that goes like this:

“Sweet baby, sweet baby, fall asleep in nana’s arms, (2)

The grass is green, the water is pure, the skies are blue, and they’re all for you (2)”

The second part is where I used to snort (not too loudly) with laughter until the song actually made my daughter sleep.

Then one day, when baby K was particularly cranky,  I decided to sing it to her.

“Sweet baby, sweet baby, fall asleep in mama’s arms..”

And in between sobs and hiccups, she actually stopped me to say, “Nana ams, no mama ams”

N had the last laugh, as usual.